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guilty

 a part of me, in the most guilty way, wishes i could just move to another state and be really far from my family. they dont see me for who i am, im not rlly close to any of them except my mom and my dads side has disowned me. my sister neglects being my sister, my mom has issues that bleed onto me that arent my responsibility & thats all i have. i feel imprisoned & shrunken. deflated. my cousins dont care ab me and idk. idk why im in this family anymore. im not being dramatic either, this is how i felt my whole life. i feel like a walking wound that is so deep and gnarly that no one wants look at because of my dad. it makes me hate myself and the way ppl treat me does not align with who i know i am on the inside. i just feel like no one can see me but im the one who gets treated as if im blind. i hate this world sm. all i have is god at this poitn but hes shown me he is truly all i need. i wouldnt have made it much longer without him and his love and him seeing me far beyo...
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filthy as rags

 3/28/2024 i am old and everything around me is breaking i thought i had broken too pieces of myself i dont like but only pieces i like have somehow died along the way all i can do is know that i wont ever be perfect coming to terms with this is what is needed needing and needing tired of needing i dont want my wants either and i dont want to want at all only his wants his needs his ways of being so i can be just like him less me more him father forgive me and my sins whats broken can be repaired into something better all that is bad can be turned to good all because of him
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rotting

 i feel tired and drained
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first blog

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 hi any and everyone~  this is my first post OFF social media with a a good amount of freedom of expression + being tucked away inside of a hidden digital space, only accessed by those curious enough with a juicy brain full of neuroplasticity.  and it feels a lot better like this. though i no longer worship the earth i still love the creators creation. behold,  a tree hug.  this was taken 2 years ago feels as if it was only yesterday.  i hated this photo then grateful to love it now & embrace the natural state of myself. !  blog playlist ୨୧ ♫⋆ there is this lost art of taking the time & attention to not only listen to but read another's thoughts, it is quite vulnerable yet courageous to do so.  to empathize. connect. understand. question.   to love. build. create. worship jesus, our one true king  what else are we here to do? "to deny god is to deny life." what we're not going to do here is deny god, deny truth and deny truly li...
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